Seeing

John 9: 1-41 was then gospel in church yesterday morning- the story of Jesus healing the man who was blind from birth. I've heard this story many times, and yesterday it took on a new meaning.

During the sermon our pastor reminded us that this story isn't about the "eyes", it's about "seeing". The story is about how we are blind before we are filled with God's grace, how the washing away of our sins (like the washing of the mud off the eyes) lets us see the world in a new way. (Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound, that saved a wretch like me. I once was lost, but now am found, was blind but now I see.) It's also about taking time to see how God uses people and experiences in our lives to help us to see the world in the way that He wants us to see it, to see the blessings, opportunities and lessons so that we can help others to see the world through His eyes.

Courtney has been just that for me. Courtney has helped me see the world through they eyes of being a mother, the eyes of grief and joy at the same time, the eyes of compassion, the eyes of a deeper faith. I have said that Courtney has been the foundation of the most faith-filled event in my life, and I see the world in a very different way after Courtney's birth.

I hope you don't mind another book reference. I recently read the book "Choosing to See" by Mary Beth Chapman. She is the wife of Stephen Curtis Chapmen, Christian artist and songwriter. Her book chronicles her life leading up to, through and after the loss of one of her children in an accident that also involved one of her sons. It is a heartbreaking story, yet one that is filled with the encouragement to "SEE" what is going on around you and in you. She challenges readers to see how God uses tragedy, grief, and despair to show us the hope, the joy and the blessings in life.

Courtney is here with me, helping me see the world that God wants me to see. She has shown me the strength of others that I can lean on. She has shown me that beauty is found in the simple things in life (like flowers and butterflies). She has shown me that my heart can melt in an instant in a ways that it never has before, and it still does each time I see her picture or think of her lying on my chest. She has taught me how one of the smallest things in the world can take up the most room in my heart (credit to Winnie the Pooh on that thought). She has certainly changed who I am forever, and for the better.

I had the choice to turn my back on God or to let God use Courtney in my life. If I had made the choice to turn my back I have no idea how I would be handling the grief, the emptiness, and the broken heart. Making the choice to let God use Courtney to teach me lessons, to give me comfort, and to fill some of the emptiness with hope in heaven was one of the best decisions I could ever make. I made the choice to see...

I do wish that I could have seen the world through her eyes as she learned where her toes were, as she threw temper tantrums, and as she had all of the other experiences of growing up. In the absence of those experiences I can imagine her in heaven playing with butterflies, walking around with my mom, and sitting on the lap of Jesus. I can see the work that God is doing in my life through this cute little peanut. I thank God for His amazing grace that gives me the opportunity to "see".