Yesterday, as we pulled in the driveway after church and lunch, I noticed a Texas Mountain Laurel tree (identified with the help of one of my cousins) in full bloom, with bright, fragrant purple flowers. The blooms were attracting butterflies- not just a couple, but perhaps a dozen or more.
The butterfly is a symbol of keeping the faith that God has a plan for us while we go through significant periods of change and transformation. If I've ever experienced a period of transformation and change in my life, it's now. I believe in God's promise that he is walking beside me in good times and in bad, and the butterfly reminds me that that promise was made by God with great sacrifice in the death of his Son. God fully understands the death of a child. Through the sacrifice of Jesus we have the hope of heaven, of eternal life, of joy after the sorrow.
Yesterday, in particular, the butterflies gracefully, colorfully, and beautifully fluttered around the blooms on the tree. While I sat and just watched them for a few minutes I thought of how I wish I could have shared that experience with Courtney. She has been on my mind a lot yesterday and today, and how fitting that the butterfly is the symbol I have for these two days. You see, today is Courtney's original due date. I made the decision to take the day off of work, wondering what my emotional state might be like today. I'm at fairly well at peace, and I didn't think I would be. But then again, with the presence I have felt from God and from Courtney in my life in these past three months, I shouldn't be surprised. Don't get me wrong- there are still periods of tears today- remembering what was lost, thinking of what could have been- but there is a sense of peace about those thoughts and memories. I see Courtney's presence in the message of the butterflies, in the fragrant blooms of the tree, in the kisses I believe she is giving me in the light breeze.
As I sit here writing about butterflies, I have the image of Courtney running through a field of flowers trying to catch the butterflies while giggling, jumping, and experiencing pure joy. Perhaps that's what she's doing in heaven right now. What a beautiful thought to take with me the rest of this day!
aw, what a special 'coincidence' that the butterflies appeared at just the right time! It was wise to take the day off. You're doing a good job of taking care of yourself. Writing must help too, eh? Hugs my friend.
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